No one's any bigger if they use the word "n*gger"

Several months ago, there was a lot of publicity criticizing the latest celebrity to go off on a "N-word" rampage. Since all those happenings sort of jumble together, I got to thinking about some underlying issues.

Now, before I explain my thoughts, let me just acknowledge that I do not deem it appropriate in any context to use the "N-word," except perhaps for carefully planned lessons on history whose sole purpose is to educate in a neutral way. Personally, I wouldn't use the word in my everyday life (n*gger) or with friends (n*gga); I also don't listen to music that uses those words (not necessarily because of that word -- it's just not a favorite of mine).

But what I'm wondering is, is it ever "okay" to use that word? I'm not saying I would, but it's common knowledge that people -- many of whom are of the African-American persuasion -- refer to each other as "n*ggas."  Is it okay if they say it?  Along the same lines, is it okay if someone of a different race says it, even if it's meant in the same context (a la "homie," "pal," "buddy," etc.)?  When does it shift from being acceptable to being racist?

In addition to the word's usage in conversation, I'm wondering about the rules of song.  For instance, the "N-word" comes up frequently in music, oftentimes in rap.  If you slap a "Parental Advisory" label on the album cover, does that excuse the language inside the case?  If someone (again, either of the same or different race) is listening to the album and sings/raps along to the music, what about that?  It's not technically their words. It's like telling a story and saying, "And then the guy called the other guy a n*gger."  If you're quoting someone else, does that have any effect?

Even South Park tackles the subject, as seen in this parody of Wheel of Fortune.

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It seems my thoughts are more questions, in an effort to understand where people draw lines and make judgments.  I'm curious to know what you all think and, hopefully, we can get an interracial dialogue going so shed some clarity on the issue.

the United States of Abhorrence

People on their high horses are due for a reality check.  Similarly, America is, too.  Yesterday, the US of A celebrated their 234th birthday, but what does that even mean?  Okay, so on July 4, 1776, the Declaration of Independence was signed...by Americans.  Nearly three centuries earlier, in 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue, which ultimately led to the untimely (would it ever have been timely?) eviction of the Native Americans who already occupied the land.  Now, I was never so great at history, but if you just go up to a random house and kick out the people who live in it, only to claim it as your own, does that actually make it your own?  Does that mean you get the right/privilege to make the household decisions and that, when telemarketers call, asking for the head of the household, you can rightfully answer, "Yes, I am [s]he"?

While our independence from England itself is a pretty monumental event -- one that deserves recognition and pride -- I'm not so sure the rest of it does.  Consider it a reverse Robin Hood, if you will -- rather than stealing from the rich to give to the poor, it seems that the US of A took from the poor (who may, in fact, have been rich with resources), asserted their independence from the rich, and showed no grain of appreciation for the "tramplees" [those who are trampled upon], without whom the US wouldn't have had land to rest their weary egos.


If you're the coach of a youth basketball team and your team cheats, ending up with more points on the scoreboard than their fairly-playing opponents, who actually deserves the praise?  Will you continue to celebrate the anniversary of the win-by-cheating annually, with federal holidays, fireworks, and rampant celebrations?  Or will you teach your kids a lesson so that history doesn't repeat itself and they can try to make amends for the past and adopt better practices for the future?

What say you, members of the jury?  Is the USA founded on principles of cheating and destructive egoism?  What exactly are we celebrating, then?

Happy Birthday, with or without the tamales

People have asked me what I'm going to "do" for my birthday, if I'm going to plan a party or have some wild and crazy event in my honor.  The simple answer to that is "no."  Frankly, I'm just not interested this year.

When I was in El Salvador last year at this time (where my community, living on very few financial resources, threw me a surprise party (which -- don't tell -- I knew about from the day before)), I had a conversation with a 14-year-old girl named Elsi on her birthday (July 3), two days after mine.  There had been all this commotion in the community about my birthday (July 1), a date when people had given me a party, cards, cake, and love, and when I asked Elsi [pictured, left and right, with the dough to make tortillas] what she normally did for her birthday, her response was, "Maybe I'll get a card and maybe we'll eat tamales."  Tamales are a pretty common food to eat down there but, according to Salvadoran standards, they're not an everyday snack -- they're just too darn expensive (less than $2, I think).

Experiences like this are very grounding because it serves as a slap-in-the-face wake-up call that birthdays are merely the days when your age number changes.  You don't turn a year older -- it's just the day after the one before it.  Why do people even give presents on that day?  Congratulations -- I didn't think you'd make it 'til today and you have, so well done!  Bravo!  Maybe it's the opportunity to celebrate someone's life, in which case the birthday boy or girl becomes the person of honor for the day.  In this day and age, many people who are monetarily gifted might spend upwards of $100,000 on a party, thus bestowing upon themselves the authority to act as king or queen for the day.  In a place with few financial resources, however, it might not even mean a tamale.

What does this say about the people who only know how to celebrate by "doing something"?  Asking if someone is "doing something" for his/her birthday would suggest doing something out of the ordinary that would, consequently, count as "something."  My take on it is that one should "do something" every day so that, come birthday time, what one actually does is "nothing."

People often say, "it's the thought that counts."  I disagree.  It's the action.  I'm not saying that someone has to shell out lots of money -- or even any money -- to show their appreciation of somebody or to celebrate something.  But it's people's individual ways -- with respect to their everyday practices -- that reveal their true intentions.  Personally, I think people should adopt a well-intentioned mentality every day of the year.  Then, on the anniversary of their birth, they can merely sit back and reflect contentedly that they have lived every day of the previous year to the fullest.  They can be proud that every day has meant something because they have done something every day, raising the default bar so that something has become the new nothing.  I guess, then, when people ask what I'm doing for my birthday, it's with the something-nothing in mind.  So, to that, I say that this year, I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing so that by the time my last birthday has rolled around, my collective days of doing nothing will have inspired others to turn "somethings" into "nothings" and will have left a lasting mark.**

**(Coincidentally enough, had I been born a boy, my name would have been Mark.)